It's Mull Jim, But Not As We Know It!

Many thanks for messages about Mull and birthdays, particularly to my new Mull Mole he or she has sprung to the defence of the Mull Constabulary who apparently have the added burden not only of looking after Sea Eagles but also road traffic offences. The mainland traffic boys only make infrequent visits to frighten the locals as their delicate high speed pursuit cars cannot cope with Mull's notoriously poor roads. So one should not be too surprised at being collared for double parking outside HRH Prince Charles's favourite chip wagon on the fisherman's pier, or for J walking across Main Street, Tobermory on a wet winter Wednesday by a PC trying to stretch his resources over 200 square miles. I suppose I must have been a bit miffed having just filled the coffers of Calmac and various Mull traders with sums substantially greater than my entire Florence budget, a city that certainly would not bother with a risqué number plate or virtually any other alleged misdemeanour for that matter.

Now that holidays are over it is back to mainland Argyll where snowdrops are fading and daffodils are storming ahead, primroses peep, song birds sing and even a few pigeons haunt the riverside trees. There is a definite feeling of change in the air although any Argyll or Glen Coe hand knows that we can still suffer from winter weather and as I speak the forecasters warn of doom, gloom and snow that will cover the high ground, just when I am keen to pour a few cubes of concrete. C'est la vie! There is however some good news on the employment front, I am sure you will not be surprised to hear that all us country folk are skidding reluctantly into areas of low cash flow that we previously had discounted as unheard of. The naked truth is that we urgently require income to swan on through the coming year, particularly at this point in the critical couple of weeks before Easter. Both dearest Dottie and I have applied for various mundane posts, however in my case my cv and in both of our cases, our date of births have rendered us well nigh unemployable. Even employers normally desperate for manpower to feed the inmates of fish farms or to escort coachloads of silver-back tourists to the attractions of the highlands most easily accessible by wheelchair have turned me down. My personal favourite, an application for the post of a Crinan Canal lock keeper was not even graced with the dignity of an interview with British Waterways. However, good news, I have been approached by a leading dog food manufacturer to research and develop a system to facilitate the equal distribution of the different shapes and flavours of doggie treats within the box of biccies readily available on a supermarket shelf near you. This is a great honour and extremely well paid and one would assume that this complicated matter will take quite a time to resolve, even to an expert in portion control such as myself. This certainly brings back a little confidence to the balance of payments, now where is that flyer from Majestic Wines? All the very best, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.