Well, I wouldn't start from here.

I have been very lazy and taken a holiday just when I should be scribbling a few monthly thoughts, so my sincere apologies to you my faithfully readers who may well have assumed that I had swilled my last Hendrick's and tonic and was now toes up on my way to enlightenment and the pearly gates. Dearest Dottie decided it was time for a new raincoat and as a decent one can only be obtained from Winnie Magee of Comber, Northern Ireland nothing would do save turning Otto's head across the North Channel and a quick tour of the emerald isle armed only with Alistair Sawday's unbeatable "Special Places to Stay" and an thick wad of euros. Things did not get off to an auspicious start as after getting up early, travelled many miles and crossing an ocean dear Winnie's shop was shut; we were forced to retire to the Dufferin Arms at Killyleagh and return on the morrow. A further bum steer was to be tempted away from Alistair Sawday and purchase the "Bridgestone Guide to the top 100 places to stay in Ireland"; I do not know the editors of this organ, however I certainly would not recommend it to others as the couple of spots we tried were certainly not of the first water. The Irish remain a wonderfully friendly, hospitable race and we received excellent service and kindness throughout our cruise and I note below a thumbnail of our schedule.

The Dufferin Arms, Killyleagh. Raincoat shopping and touring Strangford Lough.

Two nights at The Connemara Coast Hotel. Searching for and finding an old chum in Galway and sitting reading on the beach.

Berry Lodge, Spanish Head, County Claire. The Burren; Cliff Walking and watching surfers at Lahinch.

Two nights at Garnish House, Cork. Exploring Kinsale and West Cork as far as Mizzen Head; Guinness in Baltimore topped the trip; slightly scary though very enjoyable night amongst the Hen parties and 600 strong Lesbian festival in Cork City in pouring rain!

Joan Nugent's Castle Country House, Millstreet. County Waterford. Via Blarney where dearest Dottie kissed The Stone, surrounded by good gardens. Particularly enjoyed Ardmore.

Butler House, Kilkenny. Amongst other things discovered the JFK arboretum, perhaps one of the best public space designs I have ever seen; difficult not to shop in Kilkenny.

Ghan House, Carlingford, County Louth. Chef's night off though we did well at Magee's. Then home via Glenarm and Larne.

Best Meal: Rita Meade at Berry Lodge.

Best Bedroom: Joan Nugent at Millstreet.

Best Breakfast: Dufferin Arms.

Best Bathroom: Butler House, Kilkenny.

Best moment: Guinness at Baltimore.

Worst moment: Garnish House, Cork.

Best unexpected venue: JFK arboretum. County Wexford.

We had wonderful friendly service everywhere, but I have to mention Bodega at Waterford and The Fish Hatch in Cork.

First best tip: Never touch, eat or drink anything on a P&O ferry; they ought to be prosecuted.

Second best tip: Never ask an Irishman for directions; its wonderful however you will be geographically lost for ever and the advice frequently starts "well, I wouldn't start from here"!

I will be updating you with more local scandal in a week or so; I remain yours aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.