Thoughts In The Monthly Bath

Ah well, it's Easter and whilst you, gentle readers rejoice in a religious festival of your choice I regret that those of us who dwell in the furthest reaches of the north Argyll glens stir uneasily in the knowledge that hoards of the great unwashed will descend upon us to defecate in our ditches, cut down our trees and scatter their compound litter on every highway and byway. The problem gets worse each year and although we can easily withstand a day or two of discomforting hallooing (loud shouting being the latest, presumably chemical induced craze) at any time of day or night, booming drum and base trimmed with reeking bonfire smoke, the galling fact remains that whilst we, who have bought and paid for our miserable acreage and are bound on every side by miles of red tape and restrictions, then must watch the hoi polloi make free with our land in anyway they wish without the slightest pressure from the self same authorities who hound us. To be fair an effort has been made in the Loch Lomond National Park to weed out the worst culprits at god knows what cost, however this great effort has only moved the problem into our backyard where our nonexistent resources cannot possibly cope, still out of sight out of mind as they say. Personally I blame the lack influence from Baden-Powell figures, who along with the poor old parish priest have been replaced in the home by gigantic tellies belching out complete rubbish to fertilise the barren brains of our youth.



Still one must not carp too much, as I see the Forsythia and primroses are at their very brightest yellow, despite continued negative cash flow I have manged to purchase a toy or two, and to cap it all a pair of Swallows are inspecting the shed with a keenness that suggests they must have been here before, surely the earliest arrivals I can remember. I am busy preparing a proposal to SNH to back a bid to reintroduce three extinct mouse species under their "re-wilding" programme as I am very pleased to report that our new mouse flavoured doggie biscuits are going down a storm , although our moggies are looking a bit on the thin side as we trap every beast we can for the flavour gravy.I can even see a whole new career in mouse breeding and production, even mouse farming opening up before me. This is of course bizarre as I have spent a lifetime trying to exterminate the blighters; excellent.


As part of my Christmas reading list I have just finished "A View From The North Lochs" a compilation of Aimsir Eachainn's most wonderful columns from the West Highland Free Press of the 1980's. I challenge anyone not roll about in tears of laughter at his 1st July, 1988 "Things To Do In Bed". In fact I am considering forcing relatives to read the article as a sense of humour test, only those who hoot and guffaw will be invited back. Yours Aye, Archie, The Baron Trollaigh.